Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

It’s here now, writing to you.

Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.

This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.

Have you ever seen a woman having sex with a dog?

In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.

It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.

For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.

Can you share a story of someone who had a lucky experience while hitchhiking?

You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.

Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.

I had run out of hope.

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It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.

I was tired of trying and failing.

So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”

Is it common for Americans to feel "trapped" due to the size and distance of their country from other countries/continents? Is this feeling an exaggeration or a reality?

Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.

You are like me, then.

The sadness was still there.

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What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.

So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.

What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.

My boyfriend has been separated from his wife for 5 years. Why won't he divorce her? Should this be a deal breaker?

Be who you already are.

I was tired of fighting.

When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.

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Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.

And the sadness?

But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.

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Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.

It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.

It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.

I’m wondering about attachment and transference with the therapist and the idea of escape and fantasy? How much do you think your strong feelings, constant thoughts, desires to be with your therapist are a way to escape from your present life? I wonder if the transference serves another purpose than to show us our wounds and/or past experiences, but is a present coping strategy for managing what we don’t want to face (even if unconsciously) in the present—-current relationships, life circumstances, etc. Can anyone relate to this concept of escape in relation to their therapy relationship? How does this play out for you?

But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.

It’s still here.